and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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