Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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