I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
