My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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