She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
