i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
