Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
