yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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