Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
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Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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