just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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