I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
