his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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