this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
