I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
