How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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