and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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