i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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