I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she pinky promised me she was 18
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
