I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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