well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
