He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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