woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
