Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Terrible idea I love it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
