If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
