And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
