I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
