I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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