i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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