I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
