i jhust puked up my retainher.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
