Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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