If that was your dad, he is hot
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Holy shit dude........stairs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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