Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
