im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
