I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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