I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
