This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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