glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
