I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
