dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
