i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
