just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
