it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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