I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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