I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
