she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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