morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
