i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
