My hand turned me down
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
