Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
