Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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