If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
