When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
