i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
