you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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