Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
