She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
