I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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