I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
