thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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