I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
