What a fucking waste of an outfit
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
