Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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