maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
