my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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