I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
