so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
