I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
