Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So many bounce houses so little time
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
