Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
