I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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